Man, you know the older you get the easier it may become to fall prey to societies constraints regarding money, marriage, family job..........money again. I had found myself getting so wrapped up in my job and trying to make money well this is really the first time I ever made decent money....you know Health insurance money? And I found myself becoming more and more stressed out about having to play shows and well, the whole experience was really making me extremely depressed....I was not practicing, and It became really hard to nail down exactly what was making me feel this way.......and you know you can kind of wallow in that limbo until a solution makes itself apparent......well the solution beat the crap out of me at the 8x 10 when we had our big in japan show.......I felt such a strong connection to the music that it became clear why I was so upset......I was not allowing myself to enjoy one of my lifes greatest pleasures..drummming, performing etc....its really pretty fucking amazing how good it made me feel..... almost laughably so........It really put things, as my therapist likes to say, "in their proper place". I guess what I am trying to say is I guess I learned that important lesson that when you deny that thing that brings you....illumination....you're selling yourself out.....I was never raised to sweat the particulars I will always get by...thank god for moments of clarity I really really needed it.....mike